She can be decent (YOUR definition) or she's done being in your lives. If she learns to behave (snarky, passive aggressive behavior is disallowed & gets sanctioned just like the rest of her shit: immediately back in timeout or extending the existing one 2X) she may be able to spend some time around you. This progression conveys that you mean it & if she doesn't control herself she may bar herself from your lives until the youngest of your yet-to-be children completes graduate school (iow, forever). The more she screams the longer the timeout & it should increase geometrically: A week, two weeks, four weeks, eight weeks & so on. He should be prepared for acting out & be as unmoved as an adult would be at a spoiled neighborhood three-year-old's screaming meltdown when told they have to stay out of your house, don't get to steal suckers & can't harass your pets. SO needs to do this (his mother, not yours & she'll use any opportunity to blame you). Since what she wants is more, More, MORE interaction & time, telling her very matter-of-factly that she's driven herself into timeout with her demands is worth trying (just expect her to throw herself on the floor & kick & scream, either metaphorically or actually).
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She may be able to respond appropriately to reward & punishment (as a normal three-year-old might). Damaged personalities (like her) are largely incapable of acting like adults. Milentless is likely to act out (shriek, scream, blame, gaslight, attempt to guilt and on & on) at the impostion of boundaries. I hope you & he find some or all of these helpful. He's studied this for 20 years and it's AMAZING.
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Man has a PhD in manipulation, and breaks down what the manipulators DO and how to shut it down.
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Is a classic about how to see the manipulative patterns from abusive parents and get free of them. It's a must read book for people with narc/abusive parents and their partners, in my opinion. This was THE BOOK that started to set me free. u/madpiratebippy recommends these three books (comments are hers):ĭrama of the Gifted Child by Alice Miller. >Since I’m pretty sure I know where the initial stomping out of any healthy notions of boundaries came from, I think it could be a big step for SO to take with her but I want SO to be the one who makes the decision for what he wants to do. When I say No I feel Guilty by Manuel Smith and No More Mr. Given his saying this, here's two resources he might find useful: >He told me that he was tired of being walked all over by his family, friends, coworkers, etc and he wanted to get better at drawing a line in the sand.